you would pick up someone in the library
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
