All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
