you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
