Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
