God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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