Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
