I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
