i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
