I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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