u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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