we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
