i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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