i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
