I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
