Is it because I queefed?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
