that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
