My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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