Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
honey bunches of taint.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
