I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
