Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
