Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
In America we eat man semen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
