I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i will never coherently bang her
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
worst night to have a conscience
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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