Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
