Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
