new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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