In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
