If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
