Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
