Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
