Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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