They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
