think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
