He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
