I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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