yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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