I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
