Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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