i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
