Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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