Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
