Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
