so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You smell like stripper and shame
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
