In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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