so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
