The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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