Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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