Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
