I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
