I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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