I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
