at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
being pregnant is like rehab
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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