dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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